Log Out For Love

by Jillian Velasco

“Anong facebook niya? May instagram kaya siya? Ano username niya sa twitter?”

This is what we would all ask our friends if we meet a total stranger we find a hint of connection with, a spark. With a few clicks and scrolls through our smartphones, the subtle and tiniest details come out as if we personally know that person.

This is the convenience we now have thanks to technology. The ease and comfort is just in the palm of our hands. In the search for romance, we rely more on online methods to find our source of ‘kilig’. Swipe left? Swipe right? No problem. Technology’s got you now!

But who could blame us? After all, everything has been more easily accessed here and there. What has become long-term eventually turned into short-term; no more prolonging, no more waiting.

With an array of social media platforms available like Facebook, it is pretty easy to meet new people, even thousands of miles apart. It is easy to turn a stranger into a friend, then a partner. But this is not a new phenomenon for our generation

Everything starts when you log in and toggle the search bar. Just know his name then Facebook it (and now, Facebook has become a verb) so you can locate his profile. With some posts publicized, you can already gather a hint of who this person is - at least in the superficial level. Then you click the “send friend request” button, where the waiting game begins. Would that person accept it or not?

But for some, sending a friend request on Facebook does not start everything. At times, it’s in a ‘ay-hindi-ko-sinasadya’ send of a wave button in Messenger until the conversation runs deep into the night which eventually leads to late-night calls or video chats.

Even the act of tagging someone in a funny video or relatable meme can send cues of interest; changing chat nicknames and colors might push them to interpret things in another way. And don’t exclude the heart reactions and comments bumping profile pictures! This ‘kilig’ is what our hearts crave for.

The point is, these small virtual interactions on Facebook can really be ‘nakakakilig’, but you can’t deny its downside too - it can be misleading.

Can you really know a person’s mood with emojis and GIFs now that they replace non-verbal gestures and body language? Maybe, maybe not. What if they don’t use emojis, are they angry? What if there’s no uppercased “HAHAHAHA”, does it give a cold shoulder? What if you are left on seen or inboxed, does it imply ghosting? You can never be sure unless you confront the person face-to-face because written words and online gestures can be easily misinterpreted.

You can miss out on the true intention of a person since everything can now be hidden through swift and flowery words. What felt like an intense level 10 was actually only a level one but with smooth talks.

If we continue to this digital courtship, what is our future in this screen-mediated dating? Are we really gonna resort to this because as what Rihanna said, “we find love in a hopeless place?”

Online dating culture in the present time makes us throw ourselves at the mercy of computers. We rely on algorithms and remote online interactions to find the one, just like how we use Facebook to screen the acquaintance we felt a spark with. We just increase the speed of choosing and rejecting people solely based on what we see online. We are redefined by the revolutionary way of finding a partner, and in this redefinition, we become shallow.

The people you come across too online are finding the same things you want too, it’s mutual after all! But how can we predict chemistry and compatibility between two people who only interact virtually? Never, because it all happens offline.

Predicting the advancements of technology years from now, it would be possible that someone we would be talking to on the other side of the screen is actually just a bunch of bots, manipulated algorithms or smarter Artificial Intelligence (AI) designed to appear as a real person. Now, won’t you feel betrayed if you realize you fell in love with a non-existent, emotionless and lifeless thing? That sounds too crazy!

Would we really risk our lovelife for online presence rather than physical and emotional intimacy? I hope not. Remember folks, emotional intimacy takes time and hard work.

We will ask ourselves in the end, how are we going to meet someone if we are not actually meeting anyone?